Perception

So I lied to myself and those of you who read this blog. I made a promise that I'd update this weekly (every Thursday night) but this past week or so my mood swings have really kicked my ass. I've been on a streak of really shitty days, but today I feel alright so I guess here is your peak into the odd mind of Hakop.


As of late I have been thinking about what people think of me, and it's scary how much someone else's perception of me effects my emotions.

A couple of years ago I was labeled as "the drunk", a label I might have deserved but never wanted. At one point or another I was labeled as "The hipster", which explains why people have come to think of me as pretentious and overly opinionative. Recently some people have even gone as far as labeling me as a "Womanizer douchebag who uses woman for his gain". I know, I had a good laugh when I heard that last one too. But nonetheless, any label be it true or not still has some effect on the person being labeled. The simplest effect is that when the labeler is committing the act of labeling me to someone who doesn't know me, their perception of me will no doubt be strongly effected by the labels given to me.

The worst effect these labels have on me is that they make me second guess what I think of myself. Sometimes I buy into these given labels, like when I would drink excessively just so I wouldn't let people down or act a certain way to fulfill the overly opinionative label.

Now the advice everyone gives on this topic is to not care what people think or say about you, just know that you and those close to you know who you really are. But when you don't really value yourself highly and are extremely self-conscious, it is pretty easy to forget who you are. I really don't know who or what I am, but I definitely do know what I'm not.

(Nigel Van Wiek) 

I am not a drunk! I have a very loving relationship with liquor, but that doesn't make me a drunk. I know my limit and don't jump at the chance to be drunk all the time.

I am not a hipster! Just cause I enjoy a certain type of music, the way I dress, the places I frequent, and the fact that my liking for things doesn't last long doesn't mean I am a hipster. And since I don't identify and marginalize myself as a hipster don't call me one!

I am not pretentious! I don't regard myself higher than anybody else, and I definitely don't try to act more important or talented than anyone else. I'll be the first to let you know I am not good at something, I DO NOT LIE ABOUT MY ABILITIES.

Even though I shouldn't state the obvious, I am not a womanizing douchebag who uses women for my personal and physical gain! If you have trouble believing that read my last post about love and romance. I am as hopeless as a hopeless romantic can get. I couldn't be a womanizer if I wanted to be, ask me about "The Heisman" and you'll get why this specific label given to me is a hilarious one.

(Picasso - Portrait of Jaime Sabartes)

I don't know why I specifically wrote about this topic this week, but I like to ramble and that is what this blog is for. So I rambled and got a few things off my chest that have been a burden to me lately. Expect a poem soon from me titled "Fuck you Charles Bukowski" which I will hopefully read this weekend and post up here after. Till then DON'T FUCKING LABEL ME!

(Listen to this, don't worry you can thank me for this song in person!)