What a year of loss, frustration, and unequivocal sadness.
I fell out of love in 2018
I lost one of my brothers in 2018
I gave my all for nothing in 2018
I lost the passion to create in 2018
I hit rock bottom, again, in 2018
I began to crawl my way to back in 2018
I found optimism in 2019.
I feel that in my current state of mind, sharing my scribbling and poetry may be the best way to cope with how I am feeling.
(Scene from "In the mood for love" Directed by Wong Kar Wai)
This isn't another goodbye, but a see you soon.
"There's one thing Ill do
if it ever goes wrong
I'll write you into all of my songs" - Devon Welsh
if it ever goes wrong
I'll write you into all of my songs" - Devon Welsh
And now some poetry written throughout 2018:
New Years Day
The love in my life has left me.
The cold winds of winter passed us by.
6 months have gone since summer
When death came to visit.
He did not take me with him.
Left me missing my dear friend
Isaiah...41:10 "Fear not, for I am with you."
But you left us. so Young and full of life.
The new year has come
With the bright sun, January 3rd 72 degrees.
The love in my life is missing.
But with the sun comes a new
Love for life.
-1/3/2019
Reflections on a bottle of Pinot.
I find myself
Constantly rushing to get ready to go
But never get to where I'm going.
Running through the dead end streets
Of the hollowed out world that are my
dreams.
I'm racing a clock that always is
A minute ahead. Chasing a thought
that has no end. Frequent sadness
Grips me like a cold wind.
The words I speak. Carry no noise.
My message to you. Holds no meaning.
Yet the others of the world sharpen their
ears. Like the knives in the drawer,
My heart grows jagged.
-10/25/2018
Instagram Love Song
Your subtle gaze
and sweet lips
Sings songs of innocence.
Your heart pure
Like the bright white stars
In the dark blue night
Intentions of pleasure,
Missed opportunities,
Given away to the undeserving.
Some things are inevitable
Just as the day always follows night,
Your sweet song comes in with the
morning sun.
-10/3/2018
Two poems about birthdays.
1.
Dry heat of the August sun
The smoke filled air
25 years old now
25 lifetimes worth of memories
My life my life my life in the sunshine.
25 years of howling
Gone at 16
Gone at 27
9 years sober
3 years in love
25 Revolutions around the sun
Wrinkled skin from its rays
Reflections on the past
Lost so many
Gained so many
Day by day learning to cope with the heat.
2.
I am nothing more
Than a stranger to myself
Singing songs of love and hope
Screaming to the world
My unique message
Shake off the dust
Of your faults and failures
Sow the seeds of success
Water them with laughter and joy
Reap the crop of your future
Live righteously yet free
Of the bounds of society
Be you and only you
Unapologetically
Unrestricted.
-8/13/2018
A song to encapsulate all of 2018:
New Years Day
The love in my life has left me.
The cold winds of winter passed us by.
6 months have gone since summer
When death came to visit.
He did not take me with him.
Left me missing my dear friend
Isaiah...41:10 "Fear not, for I am with you."
But you left us. so Young and full of life.
The new year has come
With the bright sun, January 3rd 72 degrees.
The love in my life is missing.
But with the sun comes a new
Love for life.
-1/3/2019
Reflections on a bottle of Pinot.
I find myself
Constantly rushing to get ready to go
But never get to where I'm going.
Running through the dead end streets
Of the hollowed out world that are my
dreams.
I'm racing a clock that always is
A minute ahead. Chasing a thought
that has no end. Frequent sadness
Grips me like a cold wind.
The words I speak. Carry no noise.
My message to you. Holds no meaning.
Yet the others of the world sharpen their
ears. Like the knives in the drawer,
My heart grows jagged.
-10/25/2018
Instagram Love Song
Your subtle gaze
and sweet lips
Sings songs of innocence.
Your heart pure
Like the bright white stars
In the dark blue night
Intentions of pleasure,
Missed opportunities,
Given away to the undeserving.
Some things are inevitable
Just as the day always follows night,
Your sweet song comes in with the
morning sun.
-10/3/2018
Two poems about birthdays.
1.
Dry heat of the August sun
The smoke filled air
25 years old now
25 lifetimes worth of memories
My life my life my life in the sunshine.
25 years of howling
Gone at 16
Gone at 27
9 years sober
3 years in love
25 Revolutions around the sun
Wrinkled skin from its rays
Reflections on the past
Lost so many
Gained so many
Day by day learning to cope with the heat.
2.
I am nothing more
Than a stranger to myself
Singing songs of love and hope
Screaming to the world
My unique message
Shake off the dust
Of your faults and failures
Sow the seeds of success
Water them with laughter and joy
Reap the crop of your future
Live righteously yet free
Of the bounds of society
Be you and only you
Unapologetically
Unrestricted.
-8/13/2018
A song to encapsulate all of 2018:
Justin Vernon's (Bon Iver) cover of "I can't make you love me" by Bonnie Raitt
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